How to be Non-Needy as a Man
A lot of dating coaches talk about “non-needy” behavior in the dating game.
I agree with this, but some people misinterpret this is dropping the want out of the equation as well.
You want to be able to talk to many women at the same time.
This is about not putting yourself “all-in” with regards to one specific woman.
By being open to more than one woman before you’ve reached a committed long-term relationship, you save yourself from potential heartbreak.
I was very invested in a high school crush from age 15-19. I got myself in trouble when I kept trying to talk to her. Trying to talk your way out of rejection is the very definition of needy. The takeaway here is not to go all-in on someone who doesn’t feel the same way.
Expressing desire is great because everyone appreciates being wanted. Being needy will lower your value in the dating game.
Know When to Fold-Em
Knowing when to stop investing is part of the game, and you need experience with success and rejection to be able to know when to move on.
Ideally you won’t catch feelings for someone before you’ve really gotten to know them.
Feelings will make you needy by default.
So it pays to act properly regardless of your feelings. I always try to make an effort to set up a date with someone I like. But if it’s a rejection, I no longer invest any further efforts.
Needy behavior can be things like looking at your phone repeatedly to see if she answered your text.
Texting more than she is can also be a sign of neediness.
When you like a woman and have feelings it can be very hard to avoid this behavior.
To avoid catching strong feelings in the first place is ideal.
Stop putting her on a pedestal.
Women hate being put up on a pedestal.
No matter how much you like her, treat her like a normal person. Don’t let your mind idealize her before you’ve even talked to her. This guarantees you don’t run good socially calibrated conversations and talks. Ideally if you are interested in more than one woman at the same time, you’ll be less affected by a single rejection.
I have made this mistake more than one time, so I’m speaking from personal experience.
It’s easier to attract women that you have indifference towards.
The aim is to maintain your frame as someone who they want to impress. See dates as a chance for you to decide if you like her.
The second you make it about how much she likes you, you’ve already lost.
You can’t negotiate desires; no amount of logic is going to help a woman see the best in you.
You either have attraction and its mutual, or you don’t.
The faster you can move on, the better it will be for your state of mind.
Having feelings is not a fun state to be in. You’ll see each interaction as less than fun. To have success with women, you need to be in a fun state of mind.
Joke around, don’t try to be perfect. The less you care about being perfect, the better things will go. Another girl is always around the corner. Don’t worry if it doesn’t work out with the person you think you want.
You may not be missing out on that much.
The brain while in an idealized state of mind won’t see it this way, but you need to reframe your mindset and see the abundance out there. Meet girls at the gym or go out to a bar or club if you want to do that. Don’t invest everything in one woman before they’ve shown they deserve your feelings.
If all else fails, just be yourself and let the chips fall where they may.
To your success,
Angus
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