I have been a gambler for over 10 years now. My first time gambling was when I turned 18 in 2012. I was just buying scratch tickets at the time. Also, I began dabbling in sports betting in early 2012. On Bodog I was placing bets on sports. After losing some money, I barely continued to do sports betting.

2015 was the year that my friends set foot in the casino for the first time. I won ten bucks on a slot machine and went home happy. As I got bored and depressed later that year, I would often go with about 20-40 bucks. Sometimes I won or lost small amounts of money. This addiction I had would slowly grow as I would eventually play bigger games. I now have an addiction to poker and blackjack.

Now I have some money saved up, and have played some blackjack in the last couple weeks. Most of my sessions were winning sessions. I profited about $2000 over the course of the last week or so. The thing is no amount of winning is going to satisfy me. I will never find true happiness and fulfillment by gambling. I would win a few hundred playing a session of blackjack and it happened so fast that I would barely feel any satisfaction. It got to a point where I realized the futility of the addiction. If I didn’t have good self-control, I would have continued all the way to the point of being broke. Thankfully, I have my money intact after having a profitable period of play.

The goal of any addict is to reach a feeling or make a bad feeling go away. I want boredom to go away when I gamble, and it works. If it didn’t I wouldn’t have this addiction. But I also don’t want to repeat prior mistakes. The reason I want to quit this time around isn’t just about money. I want to abstain because my brain chemistry will be much better. Gambling spikes up dopamine, and creates a lack of dopamine when out of play. My goal is to have happiness, not constant happiness but true long term fulfillment.

Money is not the complete answer to happiness. A gambler may have a skewed relationship with money. Thinking money is key to fulfillment is misguided. Right now, my money situation is actually near an all time best. I have over 5 grand to my name. This may not sound like much to some people, but this is really the first year of my life that I found a way to save consistently and have that much. But my mood and happiness is not at an all time best. Being able to pay my bills early and be way ahead of my bills is a good feeling, but money alone doesn’t solve fundamental lifestyle choices.

Boredom is my biggest challenge. No amount of money alone is going to solve this. The issue that I cover up by gambling is solving my lack of human connection with others. I have friends, but I feel very alone these days. I need to actually have more time with either new or current friends. I haven’t played ball hockey or went to the gym in a month. I used to really enjoy my life, but as my addiction got worse, I lost enjoyment for what I used to enjoy. Playing a free poker league game at a bar on a weeknight is good social time, but it becomes a problem when I gamble alone.

So the real coping skill for cravings to gamble is to do positive actions to improve my brain chemistry. From April up until early September, I was not gambling. I was at an all time best with where my money was going. I was saving money at a good pace and not spending much. In that stretch I was able to put away 5 thousand. Thankfully, after a month long stretch of gambling that money remained intact. I had made a small profit. It could have went way worse. Going to the gym and playing hockey would do good for my mind. There are other ways beyond gambling that do a much better job of optimizing brain chemistry. My goal in recovery this time around isn’t to do with money, it’s to do with having true joy and a greater level of connection with life.

To your success,

Angus

In this article, I will discuss the role money has played in my life.

I will also share some perspective around how happiness works in relation to money.

Money is often thought of as a way to get happiness. People who want money often want it because they think it will make them happy.

I have a lot of experience with money because I have focused on it a great deal in my life.

As I grew up, I didn’t have a lot of money myself. I would get an allowance every week when I grew up.

Around the age of nine, my dad opened a bank account for me after I asked for that. We got the needed ID and the bank was able to open an account.

Before my Dad eventually passed away he would give me money here and there to save in my account. He passed about a year later. As a nine year old, I eventually saved about a hundred dollars. This was back in 2003 so maybe this was about $150 or more now.

The moment I saw a larger balance, I felt a sense of accomplishment and was happy with the progress I made. I was also happy that I could afford new video games for myself when they came out.

At Christmas I would get a combination of gifts and money. Not a huge amount of money, but a little bit here and there.

In Army Cadets, I got paid for the first time in my life. At the summer camps I attended from 2006-2009 as a course cadet we got training bonuses. Each cadet got about $10 per day so $60 per week. And as a 12 year old this was a real amount of money. I would end up spending it fast, but it was a nice thing to have.

In 2011, I got my first job as a 17 year old. I worked as a staff cadet Sergeant leading the courses that younger cadets would participate in. I worked for 7 weeks, and each day was paid. I made a few grand that summer and this was the first time ever I had way more money than I actually needed. I spent it well before the following summer, but I never forgot the feeling of having more than enough.

Abundance is the experience of having more than enough.

Scarcity is the feeling of having less than enough.

As I grew up, I wasn’t in a rich family. This means that I often asked for things that were hard for my family to afford. I didn’t experience their struggles with money as a kid, but it’s safe to say I didn’t grow up in abundance.

As I finished high school, I got a job but my mental health was not at all good. I had aspirations of becoming rich, even though I had no reference for the experience of being rich.

I had ambition, drive, and some degree of confidence.

I didn’t feel scarce or poor, but I was thinking about life as a millionaire.

My mental health in 2012-2013 was getting worse and worse. I had to quit my job and go into recovery mode. I was considered disabled and qualified for government disability.

In 2014, I was able to have time abundance because I had enough money to not have to work. And I actually really enjoyed this part of my life, but I would eventually want more from life. In 2014, I got about $1200 a month, and I was 20. I still lived at home, and didn’t have to work. I was able to afford most of what I wanted because what mattered to me were video games and hockey. I was still able to afford ball hockey.

This time in my life gave me a feeling of what passive income is like. I would have that money each month no matter what.

In 2015, I was put on a new medication for my mental health. It was at this point that I wanted to make changes in my life. I wanted to work and make more money.

I was no longer satisfied with a grand a month or so.

I knew I was employable, and it had been so long since I worked.

One of the side effects of this medication was gambling addiction. I would bring some of my money to the casino here and there. Sometimes I won, and sometimes I lost. But eventually a year later, I was going to the casino whenever I could. I had become a compulsive gambler. This addiction was right at the heart of my relationship towards money.

My long term ambitions of being a millionaire were mostly dreaming, I would think of ways that I could create a successful business.

When you win money in a casino, it creates a high because you made more in a one hour trip than you could possibly make any other way. Of course winning only creates a desire to win more. But the wins provided short term joy.

Over the last number of years, I was improving the employment I had.

Moving from part time landscaping to full time.

Then moving into the mental health field as a peer support worker. I’m at my happiest as a peer support worker because I’m doing work that is in my element. I make a meaningful contribution and get to do something that is good for my soul.

My job is more than a means to just survive.

About a year and a half ago, I got off that medication that was impacting my gambling addiction. When I stopped, this didn’t make the addiction magically go away. I sought out group therapy to understand my addiction better. I saw that I wasn’t alone in this addiction.

Eventually this year, I banned myself from online and real casinos.

Any loss is too much and no win is ever enough. The highs and lows of gambling addiction are not a good way to be happy with your finances.

I have stopped totally and it probably took a while for my pre-frontal cortex to heal from the addiction.

After a year and a half of serious work, I was liberated from the addiction. I feel like I did before the addiction started.

The relationship between money and happiness is personal.

I would say that progress is happiness.

If you want to be happy with your money, you’ll need to see progress. This means saving and investing.

When someone is bogged down by bills that are hard to afford, stress will be a problem.

When I was gambling, my finances were in chaos.

I was used to being poor as a kid and a young adult. I didn’t know that abundance is supposed to feel normal.

Abundance made me excited after a win, but until it became a standard for me to be good with money, I never was.

Being smart with money will result in more, and you’ll see steady progress.

Making decisions to live with less bills, and only having a minimal amount of bills will make money a far less stressful thing in your life.

Some law of attraction authors advocate for spending like crazy to feel rich. They think that feeling rich is what leads to being rich.

In reality your feelings mean less than your actions. So don’t tip at a level that’s uncomfortable. Spend less in categories that don’t return happiness.

Invest in experiences and not things.

The vast majority of wealthy people are frugal, and they are happy because they have peace of mind around their money.

A net worth won’t make you happy, but knowing you have way more than you need is going to allow for a great deal of peace. Stress will be much lower.

So money is not a direct factor in happiness, but having it handled allows you to enjoy greater things in life.

To your success,

Angus

The way to think about decisions is the return on investment that a decision offers. Every decision matters, and the more you repeat the same decision the more that investment will make or break you.

Sometimes the best investments are the ones you don’t make. I can say over the years that I’ve made my fair share of bad investments. Gambling is something that is mostly a -EV decision unless you play poker with players who have a disadvantage against you. You would need to be self-honest about your game to decide if you are in a profitable spot. Gambling on any other game is a guaranteed loss in the long run. The law of large numbers is going to catch up to you no matter how well you play in any table game. Slot machines offer even worse returns than table games.

Thankfully I’ve been able to avoid gambling for months now. The return on that decision is the peace of mind of never having to worry about money again. I have been in recovery groups and one person was able to say that he got everything he wanted from gambling by stopping gambling.

Investing money into assets such as TFSA’s and RRSP’s in Canada are ways to get 5-10 percent of the money you put into the account on an annual basis. Meaning that if you invest for a 35 year period and put a high percentage of your income or even a medium percent in you would be able to have a million dollar net worth by then. Keep in mind a million dollars is going to have less purchasing power in that many years, but as long as your investments are beating inflation you aren’t losing money.

In the last few months I started a TFSA and have saved a fair amount for just a 4 month effort into saving money. The real challenge is maintaining that habit but it’s far better when your accounts are constantly growing. The reinforcement of the habit is doing the total opposite of gambling. Taking a sure-fire win instead of trying to win in a game where your destiny is losing is a far better habit change.

Now I don’t have any urges to gamble, I still play free poker games but that hasn’t been a trigger to play real money games or worse table games. One thing that recovering gamblers can do is ban themselves from the casinos and the online casinos. Once your fully set on recovery and you know there’s no turning back the urges disappear.

The worst habit in your life can often be enough to make all other aspects of life worse off. If you start by changing your worst habit, you’ll make dramatic improvements very quickly. I was an addicted gambler for 9 years, and the losses would have made a big difference if I was investing that money instead. Thankfully I still have 35 years of runway to make future good investments. In investing the game changes when you accumulate your first 100 grand. From there the compounding starts to make a very noticeable difference. With interest and continued contribution the sky is the limit.

Thinking about the life you want and the habits it would take to live that life allow you to get clear on which habits are worth putting effort in. I’ve also started to work out and am in the middle of quitting smoking, I have dramatically lowered the number the smokes I have. I want my physical health to improve so that I will live long enough to enjoy what life has to offer. Investing in health is key, you would rather be the oldest man in the gym than the youngest man in a nursing home. I have given thought to the consequences of smoking and want to change that direction.

To your success,

Angus

I define abundance as a feeling rather than an exact dollar amount.

The amount of money you think you want vs the amount of money you actually want deep down might be two different things.

I have financial abundance even though a millionaire might be dealing with scarcity.

Abundance is relative.

You have abundance if you are able to enjoy your life with or without money. To be abundant you don’t actually need as much money as you think.

Some people think they need a million dollars before they will give themselves permission to feel abundant.

I live a lifestyle of relative minimalism. This means I have less material desire than most people, therefore I don’t actually need as much money to feel abundant. I spend less than I make and therefore have a better financial situation each time I get paid.

The reason for my past gambling addiction was that I felt abundant enough to risk money. I could lose money and still have a lot left over. It would take a while to end up broke. Even when I went broke I would have enough money around the corner.

Now that I’m no longer in active addiction as a gambler I’m able to save 40% of my take home pay.

I have 4 different accounts where I put 10% of my income into each. Money builds very quickly for me.

The spending habits I have allow me to enjoy life’s pleasures guilt free. It’s amazing how much money I have now that I’m no longer gambling. Saving 40% of my income is satisfying.

The way to feel abundant is to cut out false desires from your life. I have way more than enough because I’m perfectly happy with less. Spiritually speaking you are better off if you need less. The feeling of abundance is relative. Having $1000 is astronomically better than having $100 to your name. Once you’ve accumulated 10K in net worth, that $100 is going to feel like $10 in comparison to how it felt when you had $1000 to your name.

The peace of mind from saving and investing is one thing, but the relative worth of the dollar also changes as your net worth grows.

This is why poker players play better in games where the money doesn’t feel like it’s going to make a difference. The losses will be easier to brush off, but in turn the wins will also feel less gratifying. The ideal setup for a poker player is to play in a low enough limit for the money to just feel like units rather than dollars.

Some people who have huge amounts of absolute money feel scarcity because their desires exceed their means. Having less material desire allows you to reach freedom faster. Part of the work involves making more income. The other part of the work involves cutting out false desires and focusing on soul level desires that are true.

You might not want a huge mansion and a gold watch with a fancy car. Or maybe you want all those things and more. Having a need to make a certain money will give you more manifesting power, and if you aren’t manifesting the money you want, ask if you really need that much?

It’s far easier to get relative abundance if your seeing progress in your financial situation. Progress is actually the key to happiness. Joy is the whole point of the journey. The journey is the reward. When you stop depending on money to be joyful, you’ll have a far easier time attracting more.

To your success,

Angus